All the testimonials I have included below are from clients who have recently worked with me. I have not given the names of the individuals concerned as I am ethically bound to maintain client confidentiality.
We sought help from Howard Widdicombe ("HW") earlier in the year in 2003 because we were very concerned about our elder son aged 12. He was very unhappy with himself and had a lot of worries, especially about germs; he was concerned that if he touched certain things or smelled them it could be harmful. He was also experiencing difficulty in getting to sleep at night as his worries disturbed him. He was also tending to wash his hands excessively to the point of causing soreness. Another problem was that he felt overburdened with school work and felt that he did not have enough time left for himself. He had always been a high achiever at school and liked to get good results in everything.
In our first session with Howard, we discussed how to proceed. We decided that we were keen to include our son in the sessions so he attended the following series of sessions with us. These proved to be very useful. Howard made us aware that our thoughts were merely abstract and therefore cannot hurt us. A series of exercises demonstrated that in our relationship to our son we had not been giving him enough space to work in the way he wanted, when we suggested that it was time to stop working we had been interrupting him unnecessarily. We learnt to trust him to work in the way, and for the length of time, that he wanted, not to impose our own ideas. One helpful suggestion was to ask him simply whether he had time to talk to us, giving him the option to say "no" or "not now", rather than just butting in !! . Our son learned how to stop himself working when he wanted to, which gave him more control over his evenings and weekends.
Howard also taught us practical exercises such as focusing on an object for several minutes to clear the mind of worries about the future. Another exercise demonstrated that our posture can determine out moods, rather than vice versa - which surprised us !
Our son has now stopped reciting (or reading) a list of his worries every evening. He seems more relaxed about life and his school work is going well. We have all benefited from our sessions with Howard
I felt that I should write and thank you for all the support and help you have given me over the past few years.
When I first came to see you I was in despair and I never imagined that I would have the peace of mind I have today, which has mostly been due to your care, patience, and understanding and I find that I am looking forward to the future with joy in my heart.
Thanks for your support and hug. I couldn't say so at the time but it made all the difference. What you are able to do for me, and I'm sure others, is marvelous. Thank you for all you have done with me this year. Thank you for your care.
Hi Howard It's Tues pm and just some thoughts following today's (lovely) session. Want to express them in words - my favourite way of course. We'll discuss next time perhaps, along with everything else! My! We could talk both hind legs off a donkey.....
Today I said that because you had said I was beautiful, I felt beautiful.
Actually what happened was that you saw the part of me that is beautiful. You saw that clearly, entirely, without clouding it with your own ideas of what I should be, or anything that you wanted me to be. You saw past everything that was getting in the way. You reflected what you saw back at me.I saw the beautiful part of me through your eyes and I could see that indeed I was. It was a revelation. Because of what you saw, I could see it too.
I am aware that these new emotions and ways of being have rather a life of their own just now. I understand that the work is to contain and draw on them as necessary. But for now I feel that I want to embrace this new sense of myself and let it run me for the time being. So that it becomes deeply a part of me. It's the opposite of what I have been all the while so i'm letting it take over for now.....
THANK YOU for enabling me to see all this and to finally get a sense of myself and my worth. There are a few tears just now because I can't believe you have done this for me and that you care for someone else so much to do this. It is the most anyone could ever do for another person. Thank you for being who you are, and doing what you do.
Will go now and sleep like the baby I once was, a long, long time ago !!
As you would say 'go well' and please accept all my good thoughts towards you! See you next time
Apologies for not updating you a few months after our sessions together finished. The time has just disappeared so it is now 18 months since we saw you.
We found the first few months quite difficult. The injuries Emma sustained in the car crash have still not been resolved and this causes problems as she was diagnosed with depression last September. A couple of months earlier P had found anti depressants that worked for him, and both of these things have made it easier for us.
We rarely have disagreements any more. Since the autumn we have been more able to use the techniques you gave us to listen better to each other and to try to avoid arguments. We have found that we have both developed some skills in terms of recognizing when communication is going awry, and addressing the issue at hand in a constructive way.
Also knowing about how different our personalities are has made it easier for us to understand the other person and be more accepting of our different approaches to things. We think that the most important think we have learned from you is thast there is no such thing as compromise - someone always loses out, and so now, rather than attempt to compromise, we agree on who should win out in a given situation which actually proves easier to manage.
We have both found that the work we did together has helped us at work too - in that we now recognize some of the difficulties outlined by Myers-Briggs in our colleagues and it has helped with difficult colleagues or situations. We have also found that having stayed in the same house too and not had the upheaval of moving again has helped greatly.
Lastly, and the best news, is that we have discovered that (unexpectedly) E is pregnant, and we are both delighted. We are veryt positive and looking forward to our future together.
Thank you for helping to get us on the right track and understand each other better.
Howard. Thanks for session this evening. So much made sense. I just hope that I can always remember to use it.
I just wanted to write to thank you so much for giving up your time on Monday to speak to the reporter from Eagle Radio.
I certainly left on Monday feeling supported by you and I hope you don't mind but I have passed on some of your comments to staff members and they were delighted.
I have been listening to the broadcast when I can and it looks as though they are raising quite a lot of money through auctions for respite care in Surrey
I have been working with Howard for just under 18months. Whilst that seems a long time written down, life has moved quickly for me and it seems it has flashed by.
I became an agoraphobic with panic disorder overnight after having a breakdown 2 christmasses ago. I didnt go out at all, found eating, showering and being awake all exceptionally difficult. I reached out at that point to find professional help and found Howard. It was difficult to leave the house to visit Howard but between us we came up with ways to get together for sessions.
When I first met Howard, casually dressed guy, professional background, pink jumper, I was inspired by his enthusiasm. I now know what he must have thought about me on that day, Howard is a great reader of body language and must have seen the scared little girl within her icy bubble waiting to bust out of the seems. I really enjoyed the way I could say anything to him, I really 'dumped' everything on him in that first session.
Now, initially I thought he was a bit weird! He had some strange ideas, new and exciting but strange all the same. I thought he may have given me the big answer in that first session and all would be cured but no, it was me that that had to re-learn who and what I was. I learnt that I was putting myself under pressure, mentally and physically. I did not understand and had no experience of 'normal' activity.
I dont wish to frighten anyone reading this but I needed to recognise that my personal situation would not be cured in a flash as most other things in life are decided, it was not quick or analytical.
Howard has helped me to understand that I have grown up in a certain way, been striving for an unrealistic excellence that has made me very ill. He has show me ways to remain calm, in control, happy, relaxed and how to accept love.
I am now able to lead a very satisfying life, full of smiles and experiences. These experiences were always there before but i never had the time to see or appreciate them . I now enjoy life, get out and about with ease and have found my old confidence returning.
I still continue to see Howard as I think that there is more for me to learn. We delve into situations as they happen. This week, how to contain my overwhelming feelings when horse riding and what impact my dying nan has on me. As you see from the order of these things, I didnt get on too well with my nan. This information can be used in my everyday life in various ways.
I won't rattle on, just to say from my initial impressions of Howard and from working with him for a while, I have come to learn that he holds compassion for people in all situations, has the patience of a saint, energy to be genuinely interested in you and strives to help us all find that place of peace, satisfaction and happiness.
Things are a lot more stable for me since integrating all your therapy in my life. I have come a long way. I'm healing
A is an awful lot happier at school now. His reading age when he turned 7 was that of a 9 year old and there is nothing better than when he reada me a story. His sums are hgoing really well as is his drawing and art and he has his own circle of mates for play dates and sleep overs. When I look at him I am always reminded of your wise words and support those years ago when my wife and I came to see you when his tacher was being a pain. THat was a tough time for us and I will never forget your help then. Thank you again.
Howard has shown me techniques to enable me to think about how I can interract with people and respond to situations in the way I would like to, both in my work, social life and at home. I feel I have more knowledge about myself, confidence and inner strength after the sessions I had with Howard.
Howard is a truly kind and empathetic counsellor with that necessary edge of challenge that helps you to really work through your problems. I had become skilled at avoiding the acceptance of my problems but Howard saw through that and gently kept me on track. Trusting and working with him has given me re-newed strength and a better approach to life.
I would recommend Howard to anyone seeking help and counselling. It won’t be “tea and sympathy”…..you’ll have to work hard (and do homework!)…but it will be worth it. Howard will work hard with you in return, giving you support and guidance. He genuinely changed my life. I couldn't have asked for a better counsellor and I won't hesitate to approach him again if life gets a bit out of whack!
Although we had only just barely got started, just speaking to you and gaining a small insight into how we are wired up and the small things you showed me plus with me stopping myself going off on a thought process for which there was no valid reason have helped me tremendously. I know there is a lot more you can do with me and I am by no means fixed but for me, I do feel I am heading in the right direction. I would like to thank you Howard as I did get a lot out of our meetings.
I realised when I set out with you that elimination of anxiety was not possible (or even desirable) but instead was hoping for a re-normalisation.In the last few weeks I have experienced something approaching this.I think this is due to a number of things:
This last one is a fantastic mood enhancer. I appreciate this may be masking some of my self-induced symptoms but it makes me feel 'fit for purpose', physically and mentally. It is also helping with busy brain syndrome and my sleep patterns generally.
When I first approached you, I spoke of my feelings of confusion that you explained as overload - this has definitely attenuated and I feel a sort of mental clarity returning that I have not felt for a number of months. The other really important thing for me is I am laughing, really laughing - at life in general but perhaps more importantly, at myself.
Whilst these collision of lifestyle changes are helping me greatly I want to thank you for all your time, help and dedication. Your help and methods gave me a way back towards normality. I have continued using the relaxed but stable form (what I call it) when experiencing an acute escalation of anxiety and find it is still a powerful diffuser. Fortunately though I think I am using it less, at a conscious level anyway, so maybe I am finding some natural adjustment or new equilibrium.
Thank you very much Howard
All the best
I’ve thought about how to progress our sessions and having realised I’ve been coming for a year now I think its time to see how I balance my own emotions etc for a while, whilst still knowing I can call and arrange an appointment (subject to your schedule of course).
I most certainly wouldn’t have been able to make this brave move without all your support over the last year, so thank you so much for all your support.
Thanks for all the guidance and wisdom you impart
I am deeply touched by you, your tenacity and love. I cannot begin to express how inspiring your letter is to me - the fortitude and love expressed has moved me very deeply. May you continue to find the strength to be a presence' in the world and a model to others.
Thank you for the articles you gave me. I look forward to reading them this evening with a curious mind! I want to thank you for the sessions so far as they have been very helpful. On monday I was able to write an article from start to finish AND enjoyed it! I look forward to meeting you next week very much.
I really want to thank you so much for your help and support these past few months. I can’t quite believe how quickly I have been able to make the changes I was looking for. It has been wonderful to get to know you and to work with you. You are an inspiration! Working with form has been a fascination and dynamic experience for me. Thank you.
I first came to see Howard as a mandatory requirement for the counselling course I was undertaking. I wasn’t sure what to expect and found it quite a challenge to be able to express how I felt rather than to communicate in terms of how I was thinking. I felt that the way I had lived my life so far had served me well. Over time Howard has helped me to become much more self aware and to look at life as a process rather than judging my input as either right or wrong. I have been able to make changes in the way I handle my relationships and my reaction to others. As a result my relationship with my mother has improved as has those closest to me. Through difficult times I have begun to understand how to minimise my feelings of being overwhelmed. Being more self aware and instinctive has given me the choices I didn’t previously recognise I had. I feel that this experience will be an integral part of my life going forward as I encounter the normal vicissitudes of life. Through all my therapy it was the warmth, understanding and honesty that Howard engendered in his sessions that gave me the confidence to open up and make the changes I wanted to.
The first visit I made to see Howard, I was feeling slightly apprehensive, but from the moment he opened his front door, I felt I had come ‘home’. Unlike other therapists he offered me a cup of tea, which I accepted and enjoyed and so started the beginning of my short but very effective therapeutic journey.
I am a practising independent psychologist and have also written a couple of books, but my patterns of taking on too much varied work and not giving myself the space to develop my practice in a more focused way was overwhelming me. I ‘knew’ the theories and understood what I was doing but nevertheless was still carrying on with the same old patterns!
Howard then took me on an experiential journey as he worked with my ‘form’. In other words he helped me in a very practical way, during the sessions, to experience how my body was directly influencing my emotional and mental life. Howard would stop me mid-sentence and invite me to ‘notice’ my body posture, how I was breathing, how my internal organs felt, the stretch or tension of my muscles. He would then take me through a series of stages where I would imagine certain scenarios and then hold my body as I imagined the scene. I then noticed beyond the structure of my body how my emotions and my thoughts rapidly changed! As I changed my body structure I actually felt myself feeling giggly or light hearted inside, or deeply distressed inside. I noticed how my mind became muddled or I suddenly felt mentally creative. It was very powerful stuff.
In between sessions I began to consciously be aware of my body and to actively ‘change its shape’ to get into my preferred mode of being. As I did this more often, so my ability to stop and ‘take stock’ instead of charging ahead and saying ‘yes’ to everyone has improved.
As each session went by I found that I was beginning to feel much ‘lighter’, my back and neck tension vanished and my sleep has improved. However, most importantly I have begun to make some life changing decisions about my professional work. Not only am I taking better care of myself and creating better a balance between my work and my family life, but I have seen a clear direction for this next phase of my life
I feel energised and happy and thank you Howard for taking me on this exciting journey with such sensitivity, gentleness and kindness. I have felt that I could be completely open with you and it has been a revelation to discover ‘how’ to actively integrate my mind, emotions and body.
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