If you have never been in therapy before, then it is normal for you to feel unsure about what will happen and to be uncomfortable. Remember that you can take some time with me to focus on the reasons that you are uneasy before getting into the reason you came for therapy. This will help you feel more comfortable. Another way to help this situation is to tell me what you expect will happen in therapy. Ask me how my way of working differs from your ideas. I will probably ask you what brings you to therapy and won't think any the worse of you if you are not sure. It is my job to listen attentively. If you feel as though you are being heard by me you may start to feel more comfortable. The more open and honest you are the more you will gain from being in therapy. Feel free to ask me questions and to make suggestions that might make you feel more comfortable.
You may feel this because you feel somewhat hopeless about your situation, if this is the case, tell me. Asking how the therapy can work for you is a good question to ask because every therapist has a different view of exactly how therapy will be helpful to you. It will depend on what your goals for the therapy are.
Your discomfort is very understandable. Therapy is a place where embarrassing and painful emotions can be worked through. One of the goals of therapy is to help you to understand how difficult feelings, thoughts, senses, imaginings, behaviours and experiences of life may be adversely affecting you and result in the conflict and pain in your life. You can always delay some discussions in order to not feel too overwhelmed until you are comfortable and able to trust me.
The chances are that you may feel foolish, awkward, and even scared when you begin therapy. You probably have never opened up to a stranger and expressed your deepest feelings, desires, and fears. It is a unique experience to have someone listen to you attentively for an extended period. At the same time, as a result of taking that risk you will learn more about yourself and will eventually become more comfortable with revealing your feelings. When you have achieved that degree of trust, you will have unlocked your potential for self-discovery and growth.
Therapy is becoming more accepted by more and more people. If you are concerned about stigma you do not need to tell anyone if this makes you feel more comfortable. The fact is that everyone at some time can use a guide to help give them a clearer perspective on their life. It does not make sense not to take advantage of the self-empowerment that therapy can give you.
This is a very common concern because many people are afraid that deep down inside they are somehow different from everyone else and "nobody thinks the way I do". In fact, individuals who have lost touch with reality are not usually concerned about whether or not they are crazy. You may have developed some very creative ways of dealing with difficult situations. However, that does not mean you are crazy. Talk to me about this for clarification.
Therapy may seem expensive at first, but what has more value to you that your well-being? What is more important than getting the most out of life? Therapy can provide you with immeasurable rewards in well being, greater energy, and joy for living, which will be more than adequate compensation for personal expenditure.
You have to remember that a therapist is trained to understand and empathize with emotions. You may have not felt understood trying to explain yourself to family or friends in the past, but it is likely that when you are speaking to a trained professional, that you will be better understood. If this point is a sticking point for you this may indicate that you have some fears or blocks associated with dealing with your feelings. Discuss these issues with me.
Not every therapist is a perfect match with each person who comes for assistance. Evaluate what you feel in my presence about my competence and talk to me about this. Sometimes a therapist will not be the right match for you and sometimes blaming the therapist for your lack of progress or challenging their effectiveness is a way you can avoid facing up to your own problems or discomfort which is why it is very important to talk about this matter with me.
The fact that you've enquired about counselling and psychotherapy services indicates that a part of you really does want help but you are not feeling good enough about yourself to feel okay with receiving professional help. You may have learned from your family that "you should not be selfish" or that you "don't deserve anything good". Remember that you do deserve it.
If something goes wrong with your T.V., do you feel that you have to fix it yourself? Once you've checked the plug and maybe hit the side and the problem doesn't get better after several days, you will probably want to call a specialist - a technician who spends his days fixing televisions. People with their thoughts, feelings, experiences and behaviours are much more complicated than your television set! Learning how to solve human problems isn't part what we are taught at school. Fortunately, there are people (therapists like me) who are trained professionals to support you in doing this effectively. Unlike the television technician though, I can only facilitate you to heal yourself, I can't do your healing for you.
It can be hard to ask for help, but it is in fact a strong willed person who can put aside all of the personal issues discussed in these notes, set aside all of the thoughts about what other people will think, and take that scary step that leads to growth and self-understanding. It takes courage for people turn to the others, especially professionals, to help tackle a problem. It's okay to ask for help!
I am not a mind reader. I am good at noticing body cues and facial expressions, but I do not know what is going on inside you until you tell me. Good therapists, will not blame, ridicule, or pass judgment on you. If I do, then I am not doing my job properly. If you feel that I am being judgmental then discuss this with me and if you are not satisfied with the outcome, then please feel free to seek a second opinion or find another therapist.
There is always that risk. But why start the relationship thinking that I will not like you? Maybe I can identify deeply with your situation and maybe I will even fully accept you for who you are. Good therapists are very accepting and you owe it to yourself to give it a try.
Whenever you are in a situation with more than one person, every encounter will always have actions and reactions. If things are not going well with parents, spouse, or friends, and it is “their entire fault," then consider that you may be able to learn more effective ways of dealing with their reactions.
Copyright© 2009 Howard Widdicombe. All Rights Reserved.